18
01:21
Gemma entered the train and came back to N. There was nothing for her in K. to make her stay. No fondness, no love, no attachment. When she came for yet another time she was different. Weeks spent in her sky-scraper building, different scents, other flavors, so many experiences. And when she saw Adam for the last time, he wasn't the same man she had fallen in love with. He was full of this K. pride that she slowly started to be devoid of. He had his new friends, of whom she knew nothing. He was wild and looked at her not as a precious jewel but as someone lucky and to be envied. She felt this lack of love. She sensed his wild soul and she could feel that he treated her as a specimen from a different country, not a human to care about.
Gemma was in pain. She was numb for a week and felt disillusioned by what life kept for her. She washed Adam's touch from her body and slept for a couple of days. When she recovered, for the first time in her life she started to appreciate Melquiades, his protection and their friendship, which lasted for years. It was conditional, but she never felt that she would be disposed of if she suddenly failed her mission. He was now the only person she trusted. In N. she didn't have anyone to talk to except for Martha. Consequently, the mission of figuring out the system started to be a priority. She didn't have anyone to come back to K. so she spent her days in N. She came to the office building early in the morning and walked out late at night. Her work started to be her life. She managed to quickly deal with the logistics of the beans trade and found ways to get to more important matters. She wanted to get access to the system. She wandered alone along the wards, every once in a while began a small talk with her colleagues to inquire about their area of work. She created fictional profiles, applied for the access to data, claiming that she was doing research, and got interested in other areas of production. For months there was nothing she could find. Everybody was talking only about the profits that K. citizens provided for N., about their indispensable character, about their open mistreatment that could not and would not be curtailed. No one even pitied her people, even though everyone was directly or indirectly connected to all of them in some way. Some of her workmates were dealing with K.'s transportation, some with nutrition, others with segregation. But not even one man she met knew anything about the core of the system.
Gemma was in pain. She was numb for a week and felt disillusioned by what life kept for her. She washed Adam's touch from her body and slept for a couple of days. When she recovered, for the first time in her life she started to appreciate Melquiades, his protection and their friendship, which lasted for years. It was conditional, but she never felt that she would be disposed of if she suddenly failed her mission. He was now the only person she trusted. In N. she didn't have anyone to talk to except for Martha. Consequently, the mission of figuring out the system started to be a priority. She didn't have anyone to come back to K. so she spent her days in N. She came to the office building early in the morning and walked out late at night. Her work started to be her life. She managed to quickly deal with the logistics of the beans trade and found ways to get to more important matters. She wanted to get access to the system. She wandered alone along the wards, every once in a while began a small talk with her colleagues to inquire about their area of work. She created fictional profiles, applied for the access to data, claiming that she was doing research, and got interested in other areas of production. For months there was nothing she could find. Everybody was talking only about the profits that K. citizens provided for N., about their indispensable character, about their open mistreatment that could not and would not be curtailed. No one even pitied her people, even though everyone was directly or indirectly connected to all of them in some way. Some of her workmates were dealing with K.'s transportation, some with nutrition, others with segregation. But not even one man she met knew anything about the core of the system.
Gemma was about to give up when a peculiar set of circumstances appeared. She was alone in N. for over half of a year. She had already begun forgetting her feelings for Adam and she could see things clearly. She sat on the couch in her small, white apartment and stared at the screen.
N. was undergoing one of the saddest events in its cultural life. Jacob's wife passed away and her funeral was celebrated with glamor and festivity. Jacob had changed his wives on average every five years. Usually they soon died, they committed suicide, unable to face the pressure, slowly faded from diseases or sadness. They feared for their lives and sat quietly next to the ruler, speechless and beautiful. Jacob didn't seem able to love, so their expectations about marriage and family happiness were never fulfilled. Slowly their beauty faded and their silence was even more significant. Quietly they passed away.
The funeral, on the other hand, was loud and glamorous. And another woman was quickly filling the spot with her dreams of wealth, prestige, and fame.
N. was undergoing one of the saddest events in its cultural life. Jacob's wife passed away and her funeral was celebrated with glamor and festivity. Jacob had changed his wives on average every five years. Usually they soon died, they committed suicide, unable to face the pressure, slowly faded from diseases or sadness. They feared for their lives and sat quietly next to the ruler, speechless and beautiful. Jacob didn't seem able to love, so their expectations about marriage and family happiness were never fulfilled. Slowly their beauty faded and their silence was even more significant. Quietly they passed away.
The funeral, on the other hand, was loud and glamorous. And another woman was quickly filling the spot with her dreams of wealth, prestige, and fame.
Gemma was carefully looking at the ceremony. The woman's body was covered with a white sheet, burned and poured into the river. Crowds brought candles and lanterns. Women were crying. Men were standing smileless and raised their hands in adoration. Jacob seemed numb. The same numbness was shared by Gemma. They were both looking at the ceremony with the same K. wilderness, with the same irony and the lack of enthusiasm.
One couldn't tell that Melquiades and Jacob were brothers. Jacob was handsome and well-kept. Possibly he was older but he looked twenty years younger. Melquiades was another old man: bearded, wrinkled and funny in his old ways.
One couldn't tell that Melquiades and Jacob were brothers. Jacob was handsome and well-kept. Possibly he was older but he looked twenty years younger. Melquiades was another old man: bearded, wrinkled and funny in his old ways.
Gemma logged on the system and checked whether they were already searching for another wife for the ruler. She submitted her profile. She wrote a long and picturesque description of her love for the N. leader. She was one of two thousand candidates.
The last time she returned to K. was to see Jacob's past room and to once again flick through all the items he had left there: from old toys, books, and pictures he had sketched in the margins of the book, while being bored during classes, to the clothes that he wore during his teenage years. She asked Melquiades about boys' childhood and wanted to know every detail he remembered from the years they had spent together. She came to Adam and promised him that she would do everything possible to keep him alive. He was friendly but when she looked him in the eye she didn't see any of the warmth she had seen in their early days. Accidentally she ran into a young man in the house, who was occupying the opposite room. Their eyes met. The man smiled. Gemma smiled back but she didn't have time to ask any questions.
She left with only one purpose in her mind. She didn't care about her life but started to care about everything else. Melquiades saved her for a reason and now she saw her purpose as clearly as never before.
She left with only one purpose in her mind. She didn't care about her life but started to care about everything else. Melquiades saved her for a reason and now she saw her purpose as clearly as never before.
0 comments